Marriage and Relationships
Marriage, and its precursor – the romantic relationship are matters of utmost importance to consider. These gifts are from God to enable us to fulfil human needs for intimacy and fellowship. These are gifts which in the small matters of day to day life can teach us about the love he and his son have for us, and that we should have for them. They are relationships in which serious principles of God are given to be upheld for his glory. They are relationships which more than any other relationships we experience can have bad or good influences on our discipleship. It is uplifting to know their full beauty and meaning, and essential to make sure we ‘get them right’.
Marriage and it’s Meaning
Marriage is introduced to us right at the start of the Bible, when Adam is cause to sleep by God, and Eve is formed from his side and then brought to him:
23The man said "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2: 23-24 (NASB)
The unity of man and wife is emphasized here – she originated from him, and because of this they were to be one flesh – not literally, but in every possible essence a loving unity of one mind, one purpose – supporting and helping each other to serve and glorify God. This unity is an active unity which didn’t just happen naturally – the man was to actively seek to be joined to his wife (and no doubt the wife was to do the same for her husband also). Adam and Eve, the prototype husband and wife were to work at becoming unified in love.
We see many examples of marriages in the Old Testament and the lessons we can learn from them. Marriage also is used as a symbol to represent the relationship between God and Israel – God redeemed Israel out of Egypt to be his wife, whose role was to serve and be faithful to him. (Jeremiah 3: 1-14, Ezekiel 16: 1-15). However, it is when we get to the New Testament that we truly see what marriage is all about and what it represents. We see its true beauty and searching exhortations, when Paul quotes Genesis 2 and explains it:
31FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32.
This mystery of two separate people coming together to be one is there to represent and teach us about Christ and the ecclesia. Christ is the husband and the ecclesia is his bride to be. Christ has shown his willingness to cleave to his wife by redeeming her through his life and death. We as the ecclesia have to show the same desire to be one with Christ – of the same mind and purpose to glorify God. Then when he returns, we will be married to him and be completely at one with him and God.
The Relevance to Us in Romantic Relationships
Most of us at South Wales Youth won’t be married. But nearly all of us are or will be in romantic relationships in our life. The principles we are to live by if we are in these relationships are the same as if we are married. We are to treat Christ as our husband already, even if we are not already married to him. If we are in a relationship, then we must fulfill the roles and principles given by God which are expounded in Ephesians 5: 22-33, Colossians 3: 18-19 and 1 Peter 3: 1-7. The overwhelming principle in all of these passages is that if a girl is in a romantic relationship, she must treat her boyfriend as the ecclesia treats Christ - with loving submission and respect. If a boy is in a romantic relationship, he must treat his girlfriend as Christ treats the ecclesia – with selfless devotion, sacrifice and love. When both parties play these roles as commanded, then the true beauty of Christ and his bride is shown and the two parties in the relationship benefit abundantly.
Compatibility
The principles a boy and girl have to follow are God’s principles. The goal of marriage is to learn about the love of Christ together and to become of one mind encouraging each other to glorify God. We need to ask ourselves if we can really achieve these aims with someone who does not share the same view of God as us. This obviously should make us seriously consider if it is right to be in a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t interested in God, Jesus and the Bible – i.e. someone not from the meeting. But just as important is to look carefully at people in the meeting. When a partner can have such an influence on us, we need to look at prospective partners and ask serious questions about whether they will be a good or bad influence on our discipleship and our love for God. If they aren’t, then maybe the relationship is not the best idea.
Another principle to think about is that of the active effort to become as one. A romantic relationship (maybe more than other relationships) requires hard work. It isn’t all fairytales and film endings. For a couple to become as one it is a constant work to submit, to sacrifice, to help. Adam actively left his father and mother in the quest to be unified to his wife - if we are in romantic relationships then we have to work hard to make it work – for the benefit of our partner and for the glory of God
Single
Of course, not every servant of God will get married. Marriage is a beautiful thing. But there must never be a culture that puts pressure on people to marry, or makes people feel like second class citizens if they are not married. 1 Corinthians 7 explains that if someone is single it is not a curse ,but is a blessing which if used properly enables that person to wholeheartedly concentrate on service to God and developing a relationship with him. Whether single or in a relationship we can still do all to the glory of God.
Questions
1. Should we be actively looking for a relationship?
2. How can we help ourselves in relationships to make sure both partners are working together or have the same priorities?
3. How can we make sure a partnership is used to glorify God and not to indulge self?
4. If Christ would never mock or treat the ecclesia with disrespect, and the ecclesia certainly wouldn’t do so to Christ – what implications does that have for us in relationships – especially in company?
5. How can a girl make sure she fulfills the role of the ecclesia? What does it mean in day to day events.
6. How can a boy make sure he fulfills the role of Christ? What does this mean in day to day events.